Anyone who has lived for any length of time in Japan and knows a little bit of the language and culture knows the word chikan. The meaning of this word is a molester, but basically refers to a male who is prone to be a Peeping Tom, stealing woman's underwear from their clothes lines, or even groping woman on the trains, catching a quick feel here and there, or pressing themselves into females. In other words, a pervert!
You can sometimes spot chikan ogling young school girls in their sailor uniforms. A brave woman or girl being molested or felt up on a train might blurt out, "chikan!" to warn others of his presence and have him taken down by others or arrested at the next train stop. It is because of this all too common practice in Japan and the prevalence of many chikan that nowadays there are "women only" cars during rush hour.
The female counterpart of chikan is "chijo" and basically has the same meaning, only referring to a female. And yes there are some chijo in Japan, but they are rare or hardly reported to the police. I mean what hot blooded male, in his right mind, would report that he was felt up by a woman on a train or other location other than to let all his friends know about it? I know I wouldn't. And I didn't report it either when it happened to me.
Yes, I was groped, or molested, or whatever you want to call it on a train by a female when I was a college student in Japan. I was shocked and awed at what happened, but I didn't feel I was molested. No way, no how! In fact, after I got over the initial shock, I kind of enjoyed it and let her "take advantage" of me so to speak. Or at least, after I understood just what the hell was going on, let her "have her way with me." This is the story of that one and only experience I ever had with a chijo.
I was on my way back home from the university during rush hour and I didn”Ēt feel like waiting 20 minutes at the platform in Shinjuku for a seat on the Odakyu Express train that originated from there. I wanted to get home so I took my place in line for the next express train. I was ninth in the double line, so I knew I would not be getting a seat.
When the train arrived and all the people emptied out the left side of the train, the doors on the right side opened and everyone near the front scrambled for a seat. People are so desperate for a seat, especially after waiting 20 minutes, that they practically knock each other out of the way! Since I was so far back in the line I couldn't get my favorite standing spot next to the door and was stuck standing near the door in the middle of the aisle. The train was crowded, but not very. I knew it would get worse at Yoyogi Uehara and Shimo Kitazawa, the next two express stops.
As usual, the crowd at Shimo Kitazawa at this time of the evening was large and the people were packed into the train. I mean we were so packed in that I didn”Ēt have to hold on to anything as the throng of people and the closeness of our bodies would keep me from losing my balance. That's how close we were. It was so crowded that I hardly had any room to fold my magazine in quarters to read it.
As the train pulled out of the station all the people kind of moved backwards with the forward momentum of the train. One woman who had her back to me leaned into me with her butt and back. As the train gained speed and we were able to stand I kind of backed away from her an inch or so as I didn't want her to think I was pressing into her or anything that may make her yell, "chikan!" and get me arrested or something.
It was about an 8-10 minute ride to the next express stop so I just got as comfortable as I could and began to read my magazine. To my astonishment the same woman in front of me moved back a little and placed her butt squarely in my crotch. I was startled and moved backward maybe a centimeter or so as there was virtually no room for me to move back much. I no sooner did that than she did it again. At first I thought it was an accident and, as there was no more room for me to move back without my pressing my butt into some guys crotch, I kind of arched my hips back a bit so my crotch wouldn't be touching her butt. I no sooner did that than, again, she moved her butt against my crotch for a second time. Now I knew this was no accident. She was doing it on purpose.
I had heard that there were women, chijo, who sometimes did this on the train, but I had never personally experienced it myself in seven years of living there. I had heard that they did things similar to what chikan do, and I had even heard secondhand stories about how they would even grab a man's crotch or massage his butt. Now I was experiencing it for the first time. Call me crazy, but I am a male and I was not about to let this experience with a chijo pass me by. If she was pitching, I was catching.
As she continued to press her butt into my crotch, I straightened up and, ever so lightly, proceeded to press my crotch back against her butt. The harder I pressed, the harder she pressed back and the harder I got! I remember thinking to myself, this is no accident. She's actually encouraging this! So I pressed against her all the more. I shyly glanced around to make sure no one was looking at us, but it was really too crowded for anyone to really notice as we so packed together.
Throughout the entire ride to the next stop we pressed against each other so much it was as if we were making love. In a way we were making love. She would move her butt ever so slowly against my crotch in a circular motion, side to side, and then up and down a little. I couldn't believe how aroused I had become and I responded in kind. All the while she had her head down pretending to read a book she had in her hands.
I never once saw her face, but I guessed she was in her 20's. She had long black hair and was wearing what seemed to be a business suit. I could smell the hint of a nice perfume and the nice fragrance of her long shiny black hair. The top of her head came up to about my chin and we played our little "love making" game until the train pulled into the next station; her pressing against me and me responding in kind. I was so hard I couldn't believe it. I thoroughly enjoyed her pressing her soft round butt against my rock hard crotch and enjoyed every minute of it. Any minute now and I knew I would have an orgasm.
As the train pulled into Seijo Gakkuen Mae station and the doors opened, she abruptly got off much to my dismay. I tried as best I could to get a look at her, but she had her head turned completely away from me, (probably on purpose) and I never even got a sideways glance at her face as she blended in with, and disappeared into the crowd. If she was beautiful I never knew, but I like to imagine she was as beautiful as my wildest fantasy.
As quite a few people got off at this station there was now room for me to stand in relative comfort and I took my usual place against the door for the remaining 20 minutes or so ride home. For obvious reasons I faced the door. The little tease had left me high and dry and frustrated, and I couldn't wait to get home to "take care of my frustration!" Man was I turned on!
However, it was an experience I would never forget and I often think about it, with a smile, to this day, some 26 years later, of the chijo who had the nerve to molest a foreigner on a crowded train in Japan. (Something told me this was not her first experience.)
If chijo ever became so prevalent in Japan that they had to have separate cars for men, women, and mixed, I'm pretty sure the men only cars would be empty or filled with men looking to have an experience with other men. I know I would not ride in a men only car. Co-ed all the way for me! I mean what hetero man in his right mind would ride in a male only car?
When I relayed this experience to my Japanese friends, both male and female, they didn't seem all that surprised and both had said that, although rare, it is not unheard of for chijo to do that on trains. Maybe that is why men do it. Maybe, they are making the first move hoping they are interacting with, or hoping to find, a chijo. I don't know. In my case it never happened again with a female although I have had more than a few men press themselves up against me both before and after this unique experience. In those cases, I either moved out of the way, got off at the next stop and then back on again, or found another spot quickly in the same or another car. But I didn't make a scene and they never persisted or I may have ended up being arrested for assaulting someone.
Some of my Japanese friends even hinted that "she" might have been a male transvestite. I say who cares! If "she" was, so what! My mind, at the time, didn't know the difference and thought for sure it was a woman and that's all that mattered at the time.
After that exhilarating experience I often didn't mind taking a crowded train at rush hour and kind of looked forward to it. In fact I often made it a point to take a crowded train for a while after that experience. But, I never experienced it again. And, I would never make the first move myself and press myself against a woman on purpose for fear of being called a chikan and maybe getting arrested. It is just not my style.
As a matter of fact, groping and the feeling up of women on trains has become so prevalent these days that the train companies in Japan are forced to have women only cars during the rush hour, especially in the mornings. Also, there are more than a few women these days on trains who yell "chikan!" and blame some innocent man for groping them when they never touched them. They do this so they can extort money from them in lieu of pressing charges. Therefore, if you happen to find yourself on a crowded train in Japan these days be real leery of any woman pressing herself up against you as she may just be trying to trap you.
Whoever you are, chijo-san, you gave a young man an experience he'll never forget and one he'll fondly cherish forever. And for that, being a hot blooded male at the time, I thank you. Heck, I would even savor it with as much delight today as I did back then, but times are different.
When I became a student and moved off base I opened a bank account at the Bank of Yokohama near the station. As I had an ATM card all my withdrawals and deposits were done at the machine and I never used the tellers save for the one time each month I would need to pay my bills and rent.
Going to a Japanese bank is far different than going to a bank in the US and can be a very time consuming ordeal that may take 30 minutes or more just to pay a few bills and your rent or even to deposit some money if you didn't use the ATM machine. A form must first be filled out with your name in Japanese and stamped with your personal name stamp (hanko). You then place your money and form, along with the bills into a tray at the counter and a teller will usually give you a number and you have to wait until your number or name is called. Your tray is then passed among 3-5 people sitting at desks behind the counter who methodically check it and place their own stamps on it. After what seems like an eternity, your name is called and you receive your tray with your change and receipts along with a bow and a thank you from the teller who served you.
There wasn't much I disliked while living in Japan, but I did dislike having to go to the bank. What unusual experience could come out of simply going to a bank you may ask? Well, you are about to find out.
One day I went in to pay my rent and was waited on by your typical female teller in her late 20's whom I had never seen before. She was tall for a Japanese woman, and had short black hair. She was dressed in a blue skirt and a matching vest with a white shirt and small, blue cross tie. The small white name tag on the left side of her vest had "Takahashi" printed on it. We hardly spoke, but she was impressed that I could speak and write Japanese and she mentioned that she spoke a little English. She asked what I did and I told her I was a university student.
Throughout the transaction she was very professional and I didn't give her a second thought when I left. However, I did notice the unusual, long eye contact she made with me even though our encounter was brief. Most people, especially at banks and other places of business, when they encounter a foreigner (maybe even Japanese for that matter), will hardly make any eye contact with them even if they do speak Japanese never mind hold a small conversation with them.
A couple of days later I get a phone call at home at about 9 pm. It is this same female teller that waited on me at the bank. She apologized for calling me at home and I instantly thought I had left something there or didn't fill out my forms properly. But that wasn't the case at all. As it turned out she was calling me to ask me to dinner!
I was completely taken by surprise as this was most unusual for a Japanese female to be so forward. Being single and not attached to anyone, I agreed to meet her at a time of her choosing after giving her my schedule for the coming week. I remember thinking that she wasn't especially attractive or anything like that. In fact she wasn't even my type. I agreed to meet her more out of curiosity as she was so forward and I wanted to find out more about this woman who had the guts to call a strange male foreigner at home and ask him out.
Afterwards, I wondered how she got my number and figured that she must've gotten it from my records. This is even more unusual as what she did was probably against the law or the rules of her company and she could probably get into big trouble if I complained. Now I really wanted to meet this woman who would take a chance like that.
We met a few days later after she finished work at 7 pm and went to a nearby Denny's. We talked and I found out her name was Kumiko. She lived alone only a few stops from me at Ebina station, has worked at this particular branch for three years, studied English while at university, was born and raised in Niigata, enjoyed playing tennis, and liked foreign movies and music. She said she never dated a foreigner before but was extremely attracted to me because I could speak Japanese and wanted to get to know me. She was also 28 and I was 24. She offered to pay the tab for dinner since it was she who invited me out, but I wouldn't allow it. After a little back and forth haggling over the tab we agreed to split it and I told her that the next place was on me.
After dinner we went for a couple of drinks and something to eat at a nearby "snack" that I knew where we talked some more. During our talk she mentioned that she always wanted to meet foreigners, but due to her lack of converstional ability never tried and, since I could speak Japanese, she thought this was her chance to finally meet one. After an hour or so I then walked her to the station and we agreed to meet again the following Saturday night at her station (her suggestion). I thought about inviting her to my apartment, but I didn't want to be too aggressive on a first date and give her the wrong impression. Also, the encounter did not make me any more attracted to her, but she was still interesting nonetheless and had a good sense of humor.
The following Saturday night we met again and went to an Izakaya where we drank beer and ate all kinds of Japanese food a la carte for a couple of hours. Our conversations were mostly in Japanese with a little English thrown in here and there. Her English ability was not all that bad. She just needed a little practice.
After a while she asked if I wanted to go to her apartment. Since I had no other plans, of course I said yes. What single male wouldn't?Besides, even though I was not attracted to her in a physical sense, I still wanted to know more about her.
Kumiko's apartment was about a 15 minute walk and consisted of two rooms: a six mat room and a small kitchen. In the six mat room was a small kotatsu (small table with a removable top for the placement of a quilt, with a heat lamp under it to keep the feet and legs warm in winter), a single bed, a TV, a radio, a phone, and a couple of other items of furniture along with a kerosene heater. The small kitchen had a small refrigerator and stove, and the bath and toilet were located in separate rooms on the right.
I sat at the kotatsu, warmed my feet, and leaned against the bed while she put on the TV, opened the window a crack and lit the heater. While she did this I glanced around the room that had a definite feminine touch with quite a few stuffed animals on the bed and cute little stuffed animals in various places around the room. A tennis racket hung from the wall along with a few pictures of what I gathered to be she and her friends. Then she grabbed a couple of beers from the small refrigerator and brought some Japanese seaweed potato chips and some dried squid. In the Japanese custom she poured my beer and then I hers. While we sat on the floor drinking and eating we continued to talk about all kinds of things and, when the conversation lulled for a bit, we watched TV.
After a while she mentioned that it was getting late and that, if I wanted, I could at stay her place. That is unless I wanted to catch the last train home and had other plans tomorrow. I thought about it for a millisecond and told her I would stay if it was alright as I was feeling pretty good and really didn't feel like going home.
Now I was in a kind of conundrum here. Was she asking me to stay because she was being friendly in a Japanese sense and was comfortable with me, or did she want to sleep with me? Having been in Japan more than five years now I knew that persons of the opposite sex sometimes asked one to stay at their place as a courtesy or sign of friendship and not as an indication that there would be sex. Japan can be strange in this sense, especially for a foreign male, and one has to know how to tread lightly here. One misstep and you could screw things up. But she had showed no signs, in either her words or her body language, to lead me to believe that she was interested in me in a sexual way. Still I found it fascinating that a woman would ask a man to stay at her place on the second date.
Now if this were a woman I had met in a bar or other place frequented by foreign males, I would know immediately that her intention was to probably sleep with me as it had happened a few times in the past and the signs were quite clear. However, this was different and I didn't know how to read her just yet.
We talked for a while longer and I decided that she was just being friendly. Soon she asked if I'd like to take a bath before bed. Still she made no advances to me, nor I towards her. Knowing the Japanese custom on baths, of course I said yes.
She proceeded to heat up the bath while I sat there sipping on a second beer racking my brain to figure out her intentions. Not wanting to be too forward (read: I was too shy) I decided that she was just being friendly as she had made no advances towards me nor I towards her and I received none of the "signals" or innuendos I was so used to with Japanese women. The only other time a woman had invited me home as a friendly gesture was when I met my first wife some five years earlier.
I quickly drank my beer and decided that I would be "too drunk" to do anything with her besides sleep just to be on the safe side. My mind wanted this, but my hormones were dictating something else and I had to put them to "sleep".
We continued to have small talk until the bath was ready. She brought out a pair of her oversized sweats for me to wear and I changed in the kitchen and took my bath. I left the door unlocked in case she wanted to join me (as had happened to me in the past), but she didn't. The sweats fit quite well for, as I said, she was tall for a Japanese woman. In fact she was almost my height and I was 5' 9".
After my bath she went into the kitchen and did the same while I drank down another beer and munched on the snacks while watching TV and warming my feet under the kotatsu. (Man do I love kotatsu's). I distinctly heard the click of the lock on the door and thought, Ok, she's just being friendly by asking me to stay.
Now I was feeling real good and was getting quite inebriated and was really not quite feeling up to initiating sex with her. This was a good thing I thought. Besides, if I were a "gentleman" tonight, I thought, it may pay "dividends" later on if the relationship developed further.
After her bath she came back into the room in her pink pajamas and sat down. Seeing that my beer was gone she brought another. Now I was really getting drunk, my hormones were "asleep" and I had no intentions whatsoever of being forward with her.
We continued to watch TV for about an hour or so and then, after the TV had signed off for the night at about 1:30AM she turned it off, turned on a radio, said something about bed, and got a futon out from the closet. I moved the kotatsu against the wall and she laid out the mattress and quilts in the middle of the floor. Man did it look inviting and I couldn't wait to get into it.
She turned off the kerosene heater and we sat on the floor a little while longer talking and listening to the radio until the smell of the kerosene heater dissipated. Then she closed the window and turned off the radio. I slipped into the futon and she turned out the light leaving only the tiny 5 or 10 watt bulb in the ceiling lamp lit and slipped into bed. Throughout it all I made no advances towards her nor she towards me.
I lay there for a few minutes thinking about this woman, where I was, and the interesting time I had had with her; a woman who called a foreigner out of the blue and asked him out on a date, which was unheard of back then and I am now sleeping in her room! Man, this is an interesting country I remember thinking and I still loved it all. After almost six years of living in this land of the "Rising Sun" I was still amazed, almost on a daily basis, by the differences in culture and thinking. Also, it was ironic that the Japanese person was sleeping in the bed and the foreigner in the futon.
I'd like to say that we ended up making wild passionate love after she quietly slipped into my futon or I her bed, but such was not the case. I just fell asleep and awoke in the morning about the same time as she. I washed up in the kitchen and brushed my teeth. (It's amazing that Japanese people always have a spare new toothbrush on hand for guests and I remember thinking I'll have to also start keeping some spare ones on hand.) She then made us some coffee and afterwards some buttered toast. We talked for a while longer and I left about noon.
We did see each other a couple of more times after that, but it never amounted to anything more than a drink and something to eat. As I mentioned earlier, she was nice and all, but the "spark" was never actually lit for me and I never again took her up on her offer to stay at her place. Had I taken her up on her offer again, or invited her to my place, I know for sure that we would've had sex as I could tell she was really beginning to like me. And that may not have been a good thing in the long run as I could tell she was looking for a relationship and I did not want to selfishly take advantage of her to satisfy my own sexual urges. There were way too many woman out there who would gladly do that without a relationship.
Seeing that she was beginning to fall for me I gradually cut down our dates until I had to come right out with it and tell her one day that I was just not interested in her in a loving way and it wouldn't be fair to her for me to take this relationship any further. I really felt bad as I could see the hurt and rejection in her eyes, but it had to be and I did not want to lead this woman on. I can count on three fingers the number of women I broke up with and Kumiko was one.
Call me crazy, but I am funny in that way. If I am not attracted to a particular woman I cannot sleep with her even though the indications are there. It's just not me. There are exceptions of course, like "two ships passing in the night" or something similar, but this was different in a way that's not easy to put into words.
Kumiko continued working at the bank for about another year and then was gone. Maybe she was transferred to a different branch, maybe she got married. I don't know. If she was the one who waited on me when I went to the bank we just exchanged small talk and that was it. She never called me again nor I her. However, it was an interesting experience and one I'll remember forever as it was rare indeed for a Japanese woman to ask a strange man out back then, especially a foreigner. She was ahead of her time.
Kumiko-chan, I wish you well and it was pleasure meeting you.
Japanese women: Are they subservient and submissive as many in the west believe? Are they shy and docile? Are they immature and childish? Are they fashionable? Are they sex-starved nymphomaniacs or cold fish? Are they as easy to get into bed as some would have you believe? And, do they really treat their man like a king or are they liberated to the extent that they don't need men?
These are questions many western men have asked and one I have come across on many forums and blogs. The answer to the above is both yes and no. It all depends on the woman as well as the man she is with, but one thing I can say for sure is that the one common thread all Japanese women I dated really had was that they know damn well how to take care of their man and make him feel like he is the most important person in the world.
In my younger years in Japan before settling down with the woman I am married to, I had a good 4 -5 years to play the field so to speak after my initial marriage ended in divorce after only two and a half years. It wasn't that the marriage failed because of miscommunication or incompatibility, it ended because I was forced to realize that I married for lust and not love at 20 yrs old. In truth I was not ready for marriage, had not finished playing around, and should've never gotten married at the time. In fact, I married the first woman I met after only being in Japan a month!
After the amicable divorce I vowed to not settle down and marry again, if ever, until I was good and ready to get married. I would not marry again until I was sure that I had had my fun and found a woman that I was completely compatible with on all levels including intellectually and sexually. Impossible you say? I thought so too and figured I may never get married or find the right woman for me, but have patience, date many types of women and you'll eventually find the right one.
Japan can be a wonderful place for a single male. Just don't fall for one because she is great in bed or has a great personality. There are other factors involved. As with women anywhere, she may be great in bed, but is a real bitch otherwise. She may have a great personality, but can't do squat in the bedroom and never will, she may be a great person, but will nag the hell out of you, etc. etc. It's so easy to find and date women in Japan that sooner or later the right one will come along that is just perfect for you and it may be when you were least looking for it!
As a young college student, I had the time of my life and ran the gamut of Japanese women from rich to poor, from nymphomaniac to cold, lifeless fish. I dated OL's (Office Ladies) and bar hostesses; HS students (when I was 19 and in my early 20's) and college students, and a couple of older women in their 30's and 40's. I also dated the truly subservient, submissive well-educated type of woman and, while appealing to many western men however, this type was not at all appealing to me in the long run. And I dated, and married, a liberated woman.
Imagine what it would feel like to walk down the street and have young women squeal and comment on how cute you were. Imagine what it would be like to have women come up to you almost anytime and anywhere to just talk to you or just to meet you. Imagine walking into a strange bar or night club or live house and have women patrons want to sit with you or be asked to be introduced to you just because you were a foreigner. And, if you spoke Japanese, you had an even greater advantage especially in the Japanese only places that you frequented. Granted this didn't happen on a daily basis, but it happened often enough to really take notice of. Yes being a young foreign college student in Japan sure had its advantages.
I almost married a beautiful, rich model, but there were many problems in the relationship so I broke it off. I thought a flight attendant and I might get married, but her father forbade her to see me after meeting me and she broke it off. And I fell in love with and frequently dated for three years the bass player of a fairly popular all-girl band, but she only wanted fun and sex and not a serious relationship. Thanks to her though, I discovered a side of sex that most men only fantasize about. However, if it were not for her I never would've met the woman I am presently married to for 22 years. In time I will write detailed stories of all these relationships.
With the majority of Japanese women I dated and bedded there were practically no taboos when it came to sex. This completely blew me away as it was something I was not used to. Maybe it was because, with the lack of religion in Japan, they were not brainwashed into thinking that sex was something evil and dirty. Japanese women made sex fun and they made kinky seem normal!
Being a shy foreigner in Japan it was quite easy to meet Japanese women as most of the women usually made the first move. If they didn't make the first move because they were shy, it became quite easy for me to approach them with more success than failure after I understood how to read and react to eye contact from them.
Back in the late 70's when disco was popular it was great to go to one of the many discos in Roppongi where you could spend the night for a cover charge of 3,000 yen (about US$15) and it included all you could drink and eat all night! All I and my friends had to do was get there early, find seats near the dance floor, and within 30 minutes or less some Japanese woman, or women, would come up to our table and ask us in English to dance. That was all there was to it! I hardly ever had to ask a woman to dance and if you went home alone or without a phone number it was usually because you wanted to. In most, but not all cases, if she didn't come to your place she would ask you to hers or you would both spend the night in a hotel. Rarely did you go home alone.
To be honest, if I could do it all over again I would gladly trade anything to relive those five years in the late 1970's early 80's when Japan truly was, and probably still is, a paradise for foreign males as far as the opposite sex went.
Even though I dated many types of Japanese women, some seriously, there was always a common thread with them all and that is, as I said above, they made you feel like the most important person in the world. When they came to visit you at your place they usually cleaned your apartment and washed your clothes and even cooked you meals after buying the food! They didn't do it because it was expected of them they did it because they wanted to and cared for you. If we went out together they would often offer to pay for the date or split it, but I never allowed it except in rare cases. And none were ever shy to be with a foreigner in public.
Although a few had little experience in sexual matters and just laid there, most were experienced, knew what a man wanted and when the bedroom door was closed, even the most conservatively dressed, librarian-type of woman could act like a whore and make you glad you were a man. When it came to the bedroom, only one or two were inhibited in my experience. Shy yes, but there almost nothing that was taboo with them. The word immoral was not in their dictionary and what may seem kinky to many westerners was deemed just a normal part of sex to the Japanese women I had relations with.
Many foreign men I knew in Japan often took advantage of these two sides of Japanese women and used them selfishly to their own advantage. They would try and sleep with them on a first date, often successfully, without ever realizing that the woman was giving herself mostly because she was shy and didn't know how to say no as they were not used to a foreigners tactics. Granted there are more than a few "foreigner-experienced" Japanese women who will sleep with any foreigner on a first date, but I am referring to the Japanese woman who has little or no experience with the foreign male and just wants to meet them.
Foreign males would often use a Japanese woman as a kind of slave to clean their apartments, wash their clothes, cook their meals and have sex with and had no plans whatsoever of being truly serious with them. I have seen many men just up and leave the country after dating a particular woman for a year or more much to the detriment and shock of the Japanese woman.
In my own experience I learned about Japanese woman and why they prefer foreign males over their own kind and used that to my advantage when there was one I particularly liked. I would often never try to sleep with them on a first date unless it was they who pushed the issue and made the first move. If they didn't make the first move or I didn't receive the "signals" I would wait a few dates and, more often than not, it was they who crawled all over me and made the first move. It made sex that much more interesting and I feel as if they appreciated it in the long run. In other words I did not want to give them the impression I was just out for sex, especially if they were experienced in dating foreign men as probably 99% of the foreigners they dated probably tried to get into their pants on the first date. Don't get me wrong here, there were more than a few women I slept with after just meeting them that evening as, like two ships passing in the night, it was what we both were looking for, but there was rarely a second or third date.
Being a foreign male in Japan does have its advantages and if one ever wondered what it feels like to be a rock star or someone famous and have women wanting to meet you, all one has to do is go to Japan to experience it. From some of the blogs and posts on forums I have read I gather the same holds true today as it did 30 years ago. Since I have been married for 22 years I have been away from the scene quite a while, but it is nice to know that not much has changed out there for the single foreigner.
Also, in my own experience, since I could speak Japanese almost fluently, I had greater success with women in Japanese only places or places where foreigners rarely, if ever, visited as I was that much more of a curosity to them. The fact that a foreigner could speak Japanese made them that much more interested in you. Besides, it practically tripled your odds in meeting women as many, if they did not speak English, would not approach you or shy away from you if you approached them in English.
Eventually I quit going to places where many foreigners frequented as most of the women there were too "westernized" for my taste. They were clever and sly and knew well how to take advantage of the unsuspecting, horney foreign male looking to get laid. I have seen many a men taken advantage of and/or hurt by them and I was one. Be cautious in these places as these women are experienced and smart in the art of using foreign men. The same goes for hostess bars that are frequented by foreigners.
Still, even today, when I visit Japan and hit all my old spots and a few new ones here and there, the eye contact, curiosity, and interest is still therefrom women I have never seen before and I know I could "score" again if I acted on it. Granted, the majority of the women eyeing me or talking to me are not in their 20's or early 30's anymore. They are closer to my age, but the interest is still there and I am glad to see that a foreign male, regardless of his age, is still the interest of Japanese women.
END NOTE: Due to the prosperity of Japan and the Japanese the reality is, unlike many other countries, Japanese women do not date foreign males hoping to marry them for a better life outside their own country. They date them and want to meet them because the curiosity is there. Japanese males sadly, for the most part, still treat their women badly especially after marriage and a Japanese woman does enjoy being treated like a lady and not being taken for granted especially when the relationship gets serious.
One downside to this though and one that I hear from quite a few people these days and read of often, is that quite a few Japanese women only want a foreign male as a "boy toy" or fashion accessory with no intention of being serious. If marriage is not your goal then I guess that would be fine as who in their right mind would turn down free sex? On the other hand, I hope you don't fall in love with such a woman. But then again who knows?
And one final note of advice, if you're going out to meet women in Japan, dress well. You don't have to be fashionable or have expensive clothes. Japanese women are usually very conscious of how a man dresses himself and judges him accordingly. Tee shirts and shorts are a turn off to many Japanese women. Dress sharp-casual with clean slacks, (jeans are ok) a nice shirt (preferably button down) and clean sneakers or shoes. You'll have a lot more success.
